As it’s International Women’s Day I feel that it is OK for me to hop on my soapbox and have a bit of a rant as well as inspire others to do the same. Now, I know it’s been forever and a day since I’ve written a post, but with two kids, a part-time job, running my own online business and all that other adulting stuff, writing was put on the back burner. However, it was my goal this week to do a blog post, so here we are, soapbox and all.
So begins my soapbox rant. I’ve seen a few things on my Facebook feed recently that got me pretty fired up. Let’s start with a little boy who went to Disney and wanted to dress up as a princess. Now, I’m sure that a lot of you probably heard this story as it went viral, but it really upset me (as a mother of a young son, who also likes to dress up as a princess). This little boy’s mother wanted him to have a wonderful experience at the Bibbity Bobbity Boo Boutique, where he would have the full princess experience, dressed to the nines, etc. When she went to book the experience she was told that her son couldn’t come as it was only for girls and it wasn’t appropriate. Yet, if a girl wanted to dress up as Spiderman (my 4-year-old often does) this would be encouraged. For most open-minded parents this kind of thing would make your blood boil. At the end of the day, we only want our children to feel happy and included, no matter what society deems as ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’.
We are pushing so hard for equality in the workplace, equality in society, and in rethinking our gender roles. If we are telling young girls that they can be whatever they want, can do whatever they want in life, wouldn’t equality mean we should do the same for young boys? We should be telling our sons that if they want to dress up as a princess, they can. If our sons want to be a stay at home dad, they can. If our sons want to go into a profession dominated by women, shouldn’t they be allowed and encouraged to do so? Men don’t have to be homosexual to want to do these things. Men who have had a strong and powerful upbringing that encouraged them to explore their interest regardless of gender roles would surely feel confident and empowered to break the current norms of society.
Another thing that caught my eye on Facebook was a little boy holding a baby doll around town and an older woman said to the mother ‘you shouldn’t allow him to do that’. The mother was in shock, as I would be as well. Why shouldn’t he be caring around a baby? Why shouldn’t we nurture his soft and caring nature? My son loves babies and is constantly pushing them around and tucking them into bed, even more so than his sister. By taking away that doll you’re telling him that he isn’t allowed to be caring, that looking after babies is for women, that his role is not to be involved with the children. I know that’s a heavy thought for a little boy, but think about your formative years, unfortunately, the negative, the people telling you that you can’t do something sticks with you more than the positive. We need to change that, we all need to take responsibility for the future generations. Which brings me to the main topic of empowerment.
As a swimming teacher and a mother, I have daily contact with children, as well as parents, grandparents and adults. It’s not uncommon to have ‘helicopter’ parents watching you intently as you teach their kids not to drown, or coming to you saying what their children are capable of, or coaching them from the poolside. Now, this got me thinking as I’ve been critised and praised for my work. I’ve been praised a lot more than I have been critised, but yet, its the criticism I remember. If I feel this way as a (somewhat) emotionally stable adult, how does an emotionally developing child feel? Children and adults come into contact with so many other people day in and day out, some experiences positive, and some negative. What if you could be the positive in their day? What if you could encourage, empower, and reassure them? I’m not just talking about children, but adults too. A little bit of kindness goes a long way.
I know that I’m just a swimming teacher and I have a half hour each week with a group of 8-12 children to teach them the basics and techniques of swimming. But I’m not JUST a swimming teacher, I’m a role model, I’m someone who believes in the power of words. I know I only have a half hour with each group, but shouldn’t some of that time be dedicated to giving them life lessons? For example, I have several kids who might have moved up a stage who say ‘I can’t do this’. How deflating is that? Before they even start, they have set themselves up for failure. It makes me wonder, how many times a day they say that to themselves. When they tell me that, I tell them that there are no ‘I can’ts in my class, only I cans’. I tell them that they may not be doing it perfectly just yet, but they definitely CAN do it, and eventually, they WILL do it perfectly. I tell them that I know they can do it, and I know this because I believe in them, and they should believe in themselves. I tell them that they are superstars and capable of anything! It might seem silly, but I feel if I have this little amount of time to teach them a life skill like swimming, should I not be teaching them an equally valuable skill of self-love and belief? I can see their faces light up when I say it, as well as their parents. You don’t have to know someone to tell them that they are important, valued, capable and loved. It’s amazing how these few words make a massive impact. You can make a massive difference in a child’s life, but this isn’t limited to children.
As I mentioned before I run an online business, and like most, I use social media to connect with customers and potential business partners. I manage a personal and business Instagram to make these connections. Now, not everyone will be a customer or business partner, but they are valued as they want to share their life with me and are interested in mine. To share my appreciation I send this message to all my new followers:
‘Thank you for connecting with me. I just wanted to say hi and send you positive vibes. I hope you have a great day’
You would be amazed at the impact that has had. So many people say, ‘Wow, thank you, I needed positive vibes today’. Having a complete stranger want the best for you is such a powerful feeling. Women and men working together is such a beautiful and encouraging thing. However, it’s usually the women that need to hear these words the most.
Women are constantly dragged down by society’s standards, our own (usually unrealistic) standards, the pressure of needing to be superwoman to take care of ourselves. Too many women are shamed by others for not having children, having too many children, bottle feeding, breastfeeding, staying at home, going to work, working part-time, letting their kids have electronics, not letting your kids have electronics, feeding your kids organic food, feeding your kids McDonald’s….when will it stop? No one blames the men in these situations, only the women. Even men are allowed to have a ‘dad bod’ but women are expected to go back to their pre-pregnancy weight with tight, unmarked skin. How about we stop dragging each other down, and start building each other up.
Lets start encouraging each other to be proud of our choices and love our differences. When we work together we become unstoppable. We all have different talents, goals and skills that contribute to this beautiful thing called life. Let’s share these talents, goals and skills with the other women in our lives. Let us empower eachother, empower the men in our lives and our children. When we make others feel good, we feel good.
I can honestly say since I’ve been living a more grateful and positive life I am so much happier and proud of the woman I am. I haven’t always been this way, but I knew I had to change, and I’ve been helping others change along the way. You can too. It doesn’t have to be big, you can simply give a GENUINE compliment to someone you know, or even a complete stranger. See that smile come across their face, and know that you have just changed the course of their day.
Us women have been through so much in history, and we are still continuing to fight for our rights, and breaking the constraints of society. We are the hidden gems in the world, we are the reason for being, some of us move quietly others loudly, we do little things every day to show the world that we are here and we are important. We teach the future generation how to treat each other, to fight for their beliefs and to not accept the wrongdoing of others. Remember, in the game of chess, the Queen is the most powerful, so in this game of life what will be your next move?
Love, life, encourage, empower, be fierce, be bold, be powerful, be strong, but most importantly, be you.
Everything in between 